Wednesday, May 18, 2005
this is like the 2nd day im staying at home. i shall make a record of staying at home the next few days too. so my record will be 4 days straight at home.
i dont know what to do. what to say. and whatever. i can watch vcd till i need the tissue box by my side in order to soak the tissue with my tears. its been long ever since i did this.
im feeling real down. yet its not because of him anymore. whenever i see couples so happily in the drama serials, i just tell myself they are just acting. in real life, there's hardly such things. is it a way to comfort myself. i dont know and i dont want to know.
iz they all should be at jb now. but they will be back by tomorrow. so i wont miss them that much.
decided not to continue working at holiday inn cus its too boring. in the meantime, i shall look for other jobs. and continue workin at km8. haii..
once in while, i blamed everything around me. i blame myself. why am i such a person who dont know how to treasure the things around me. why am i such a person who never seems to see the good things around me. im always so persistent on things or people that is just dreams.
one by one.. guys come into my life and leave not long after. i just blame myself for not treasuring. i only know that i should re-organise my emotions and feelings now. i just need to be freed from everything.
i have already been tortured enough for the past 1 yr.
lessons learnt. tears dropped. heart broken.
now i really need to breathe again. discover the small little things that makes my life more meaningful. i want to start all over. but i cant seem to find the way out.
im indulging in a world of mystery. a world i dont even know whether its mine or not.
i keep wondering how i will feel if a good friend of mine died. i think i will really break down. then again, i think what will happen if one day im the one who died. where will i go ? what will my friends be doing ? maybe i think a lil too much.
since im the independent michelle. thats what i will be.
emotions overwhelming me. depression taking over me. Quietness surrounds me.
Just leave me alone. Let me think alone.
i covered my ears. oblivious to the outside world. closing myself to my room. sleeping by day through. indulge in the miracle of music healing me. as well as bringing up all the sad memories.
The sky will always be blue even if my world collapse. The world still moves on.
