about the girl.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Well.. had an interesting weekend fully booked..

Sat was Ivan's birthday. Yup and i did enjoy myself with jojo's frens. Kbox then walked to Far East Shopping Centre to see them play billard. Then, we just sat down @ Lido's Mac to talk n joke.. Ha ! The whole time we were talking crap and self entertaining with jokes and lame rubbish. Entertaining session. Stress finally released after laughing for so long.

Sun was the long awaited night. Shangri-La Dinner and Dance @ Oriental. I should say i quite enjoyed the night. But too bad, KL and XY din stay till the end. The food was not bad. Ambience nice too~ We partyed the whole night thru. Ha ! Took lots of photos.. See when im able to upload all of them on my blog.. =) This is like the 1st time i go to DnD with my buddies and i think it will be the last time too. No such chance anymore... Women in Black !

As for weekdays this week, well.. its the same everyday. work and work....

-Signed Off @ 10:02 AM

Thursday, August 25, 2005

yes i do realise that im pretty straight forward.. What for hide when you are not happy ? Why must we girls always be the one giving in ? Why should we give them face ? So what if i dunno how to zuo ren ? Being my frens, should already know my character and accepted it. Dont ask me to change. Dont ask me to keep giving in. It just means im not me anymore. See ? When i was pissed with S, i just showed it .. What happened next ? Quarrels and arguments followed. Now im hiding it once again. To show that im ok but For wad fark? To avoid any more conflicts. But so what ? I dont feel good. Anyone knows abt it ? No one. Farking no one. I have enough.. Totally enough. Gets on my nerve.. And to the someone who sees this and understands this, i dont wan to see us quarrelling over LK. Pointless. You should also know my character. Why we click is becoz i dont hide myself. Think whether its true. Think whether you would like me to become not-me. Im very sure no one likes it.

Why is it my friendship is constantly being tested and how many can really withstand the test ? Haii..

-Signed Off @ 5:26 PM

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

suddenly thought about the past.. my pri sch life... then my sec sch life... Everything changed so drastically.. flipped my things in the boxes of memory. Looked at photos.. Remembered 2 great teachers who changed my life.. Ms Huang in pri sch who kind of changed my perception of Chinese.. making me like chinese. Mrs Ram(Formerly Ms Rajes) who's my form teacher for 2 yrs. Made me into a prefect. cares so much for the whole class. Never fails to defend us when something goes wrong. The band times when i used to skip band. Times when the Bpians and TWhyeans are close. The marching under whole sun times. Pri sch when i used to chase guys and hit them for trying to be funny. Prom night photos. The last night where the whole of Sec 4 & 5 gather for the last time. How i quarrelled with SF and K over silly things. 4beez. Class Tee. All these things that make me miss the past. The innocent times when i dont have to think so much. But all's past and people can only look forward to the future.

Now my life is so complicated now. Does growing up really matters so much. Why do we learned about so much after we grow up ? So much troubles.. So much things to do yet so little time to do. I realised that my blog entries are getting more n more farked up and what reason ? I already have no idea what to write. No idea what's my life is anymore...

-Signed Off @ 10:51 AM

Monday, August 22, 2005

Oh isnt that great ! My comp's down ! WTH~!!! So much things i need to do and it just have to breakdown. Alright. So i see that i haven been blogging ever since last wed. Nothing much to update about these few days. Just that i went for another Ktv session with Shirley and Des Devil. Pretty funny aint it ? But nvm.

I never knew you were so emotional. Cause you dont seem to be. But i guess i dont know you well enough. Its amazing to have known you but why is it we always cant stop arguing ? Dont understand.. But its a good way to cover up a love.

-Signed Off @ 10:06 AM

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

i love my masterpiece ! more to come ! Now back to work !

I cant stop myself from thinking you every minute.. every second. You are racing through my mind non-stop. But you will never know cause you already have somebody else in your heart . Are you the one ? I dont know. I guess you dont either.

Nobody ever knew why i love black and white. Its because my world is mono-colour. Just filled with black and white. No colours in it.

-Signed Off @ 12:28 PM

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Ga Ga Ga~

im exhausted over the weekend. with the chalets and work. im totally drained ! To everybody's surprise, i made it to work ! Sunday was my last day @ Starhub ! I thought i wont have much feelings. But still, i still miss bitching with Jia Lin and bickering with Desmond and William plus throwing last minute stunts on the Devil ! Ha ! Went to Ktv on Sunday with Shirley, Devil and William. Im pretty surprised we managed to have fun though there's only 4 of us ! And loads of fun ! They better not leave me out of the fun next time round. =)

I was busy designing new pictures yesterday so kinda lazy to update my blog.

After 12am today. Its 17th August 2005. which is...

MY BELOVED SEOW DING DONG 19TH BIRTHDAY !!!

I love you my darling !!! You are finally 19 ! Hee ! See ? As promised.. Give you pinkish and Big wish ! Ever since we left secondary school life, you are the only one who i have been keeping in close contact ! And i never want to lose you my friend. Despite the quarrels we used to have, we are still the best of friends for so long. Still remember the times we are both black birds after going for band consistently. And the times when we like to yack about the guys we liked. Even to the extent of voting for them on the whatever voting poll. And the times when we argued over going or not going to band. BP and TW Saxo warfare ! The life we used to have is so amazing. Though we are now leading different lives now, You must never forget me ok ! I love you my darling !

-Signed Off @ 10:47 PM

Friday, August 12, 2005

Happy 19th Birthday

To My Most Idiotic, Pervertic, Moronic Good friend Mr Lionel Koh !

Haha. Im lazy to send you a sms so even if you will not be seeing this.. At least i got the heart to wish you here. Actually is shun bian cause im online now. Lol !

Anyway, i'll be off to 2 chalets this weekend since its my buddy's and Shirley(Starhub colleague) birthdays ! Wad a coincidence both are at Costa Sands East Coast. Yeah ! At least i wont be running from East Coast all the way to Pasir Ris.

So since im not going to be around these few days..

Happy 21st Birthday to Shirley too !

Actually, i know of a biggest farker who i used to consider as friend whose birthday is on the 13th Aug which is tml considering its 12.33am 12th Aug. But im not going to give a damn. He just spoils my mood BIG TIME and his nick should refer to himself !

"Some ppl just cant shut their mouth"

Well. i'll be glad to tell him that "Yeah ! Im glad you know that you got the biggest mouth on earth so if you can, PLEASE SHUT IT UP"

I wanna change my blog picture again. =) Thats when i got the time to do it.

-Signed Off @ 12:26 AM

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Dont worry peepz. We are ok once again right KL ? No hard feelings as we said ! =)

Anyway, Happy 40th Birthday Singapore !!!!

oh well well well. i guess i was pretty drunk yesterday. Managed to catch the fireworks display before going to Onyx with Jojo, Nic and Ivan. Both considered Jojo's fren but still managed to have fun. Much more fun than when im with "that" grp. Cause me and jojo went real crazy when it comes to playing and when the *High-ness* is there ! No more Onyx for me anymore after yesterday. Onyx is simply the curse of our life man. Our life's most embarrassing moment is there ! Fark. Vomitted so much man. I cant believe i couldnt control. I couldnt even sleep for 1 hr plus because i felt SO terrible. I even had to force myself to vomit out somemore. Bleahz. Maybe i was too tired. Maybe i didnt have time to rest in between each games. Just Maybe. Ha ! This is the first time i actually lie on the car seat and *gone from the world*. Lucky the driver is a decent one. Ha ! I keep feeling the phone is vibrating in my pocket yet i dont have the strength to take it out.

10 missed calls ! Can you believe it ?

Aww... nvm. I shall remind myself not to drink so much next time in order not to embarass myself again. =(

I just knew something will always go wrong whenever i meet them. See ? I scolded the 2 of them. 1 because i naturally hates him. The other 1 was because he ask the 2 of us to shut up. Stupidest thing to do. They are disappointed cause they treat me as a fren and i scolded them ? Please~ Dont give me that bullshit. And farking stop saying im throwing myself at other guy when you all dont even understand.

I shouldnt drink so much. Maybe i really shouldnt. I cant have guys taking care of me when im drunk. It just shows how vunerable i really am. And it so happens to be the path to my heart just like it used to be. Once i used to believe if a guy is willing to take care of you in your ugliest moment, he may be able to take care of your life totally. But i no longer want to believe in it anymore. Yet yesterday, my weak side was shown again. Yes. im controlling myself not to fall into the hands of love once again.

-Signed Off @ 10:06 PM

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Yes. i know you will be reading this and i read your multiply journal as well. Its not only you who treasured this friendship. I have been troubled by this matter for the past few nights too. I even had dream of us making up for no reason last night. I rather delete all the msges you send me because its just all sent in the spite of anger. But usually when people are angry, they tend to be very honest and just let everything come out in one go. We always know that there's 2 sides to a story. You had posted yours, so nows mine. Let me frank to everybody who's reading this. I treated you as my best friend and told you everything and i really mean everything. The person you tried to compare yourself with might not even know as much as you know. I said i treated the few of you who are my buddies equally and i meant it. Dont say i nv vent anger on XY. I did, just that we didnt say it out. Thats why everything ended so fast without you all knowing. I know you are pretty sensitive about friends so i keep you more well-informed than other and not to let you feel that you are left out from your friends. And i always listened to what you got to say rather than hearing 1/4 or 1/2 and just continue doing my things just like "A" did, didnt i ? So its VERY not true that i treat you as a shit friend. I treated you as a best friend and all you think is that i treat you as a shit friend ? Have you though about i felt when i saw that msg ? I never did compared myself with your the other 2 best friends so why did you have to compare yourself with her ? And as much as i have any unhappiness, i'll keep to myself in order not to let you be stuck in the middle. But have anybody ever put themselves in my shoes, i'm human and i do have feelings. How will you feel when everytime you want to meet your friend and maybe talk about your feelings and whatsoever, but you cant do it cause your friend's the other half is always there. I dont mind telling everybody i hate the feeling though i always say i dont mind cause they are my best buddies' bf.. YES. I hate it alot and i really dont like to be a light-bulb even if its my other buddies, get it ? Its not because im telling you all this because you are a shit friend or whatever to me. Think about it. How many times have i met you alone all these months ? I think 1 hand is enough to count. At least i still get to meet Jo & XY alone sometimes, do you get it? Im lamenting that i dont get to talk to you openly enough. Everything i tell you that is meant to be confidential just seems to be known to him. There dont seem to have any private time to talk anymore. Unlike the past. And just like i went out with XY and alvin, its because we really never meet up for really VERY long. Thats why im ok with it. And whenever i go out with iz they all, i did ask you and MY along. But from long ago, the 2 of you just dont want to tag along. And do you know why i keep going out with iz they all ? Cause none of them are attached and i dont feel left out. I know you dont leave me out when the 3 of us go out, but i dont wan you leaving either one of us out which is hard to do. Instead of letting you get trapped in between, wouldn't it be better if i leave the 2 of u to your world ? Furthermore, i haven been going out much ever since i started working and you should know it. And its not that you are hard to understand, you just have to think about things simply. I never wanted to be honest about hating to be a lightbulb but at that moment when i really got angry, my hands just typed everything that was all along in my mind. Even if its XY or Jo or whosoever who ask me whether i like to tag along when they go on dates, i'll tell them frankly i dont like but i may tag along just like you. There's no difference between them and you. I know kevin might be reading this or you might tell him yourself, i dont know. But im sure he's blaming me for igniting this cold war between us and you blaming him for us quarrelling. He's not at fault but where is the private sister talks we had last time gone to ? And its not that your friends get angry without asking you what happen, its because the same old thing happens all the time. Think, how many times have i been put aeroplane by you and MY ? How can i not be angry. But you should know me. I said dont wan to go den dont go. After a few days, i'll be alright again. I need cooling period. And i say let it be. because there's no point in arguing about this anymore. Its pointless isnt it. And see ? when i say let it be. .You interpreted it as i dont take this friendship seriously. i meant to let things go and forget about it ok. And yes, its utterly stupid to be quarreling over a stupid DnD hosted by the notorious Shangri-La which specialises in breaking up friendships and relationships. And so should i interpret your "coz from now onwards i wont care so much anymore.!!" as you are ending this friendship ? There's always a difference and people just like to start assuming when they dont know the actual meaning of a sentence. And yes, i do have my fault in this issue for being short-tempered.

So im Sorry.

I dont need extra comments on this from other people not related.

-Signed Off @ 8:19 PM

Saturday, August 06, 2005

feeling sick doesnt improve anything. Just worsen everything entirely. irritably sick meaning i get irritated very easily and become very harsh regardless to whoever. I never knew friendship for so long can be broken so easily. Then let it be...

I'll only say it once and only this once. All my good friends are equally important. People is always funny. When people aint honest to them, dont tell them the actual truth, they will be happy with the ignorance of everything. As if the world is so pretty.. But when i just shoot everything im not happy with, they say im being unreasonable. Once again, IF i dont treat someone as a friend, i'll never be truthful. Too bad people just doesnt understand.

Now i truly understand friendship is just like glass.. So easily broken. Not to mention whatever "brotherhood" or "sisterhood" is just nothing from the look of it. Fragile and untouchable. I wont harp on it.

-Signed Off @ 3:03 PM

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Staying at home is such a leisure than going out for me nowadays. Going out is taxing on pocket and physical condition.

Some people just act as if they really understand me and looks shocked when i still remember that incident. Even to the extent of saying he never knew i was so petty and so ji chou. He never understoof me so dont act as if you really know how it feels. It just shows how hyprocrite you are and so obvious that you are just siding with your "brother".. You never knew that i will just shoot you straight into your face that you are plainly biased. I told you my patience have limits but you think im still the patient little girl in the past. Im not and by now you should know. I was indeed right that you never understood and never will cause you were speechless and had nothing to counter back. Tell your friend how selfish, immature and insensitive he is and he will be saying that wo wan bu qi while you will be there saying im so petty. Notice that i say he's your friend and not mine. Cause i dont regard him as one anymore. I dont forgive easily just like i never did forgive you. Its just that you never notice it. You people were once good friends i thought i had. But everything changed so much so say what you want. I no longer want anything to do with you all.

Once i thought i knew them.. Now im sure i never understood any one of them just like they never understood how i feel. They make me feel like an outcast. Really. I dont even feel human and not even a lil importance. Dont correct me. Cause i know im right in my point of view. Some people just never understand....

Back to reading Harry Potter & The Half-Blooded Prince...

-Signed Off @ 3:37 PM

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

guess wad. "lucky" me is sick.

Im not petty. I have limits to my patience.

-Signed Off @ 10:13 PM

Monday, August 01, 2005

To continue with the previous question.. Though SO lil answers are given... i shall tell you all what you all will be doing.

The 1st 10 mins when you know that you are only left with 30 mins of your life..
You will be shocked and wont be doing anything.

The next 10 mins~
You will be trying to accept reality that you are dying soon.

As for the last 10 mins~
You will be regretting about what wrong decisions you have made and what you haven do in your life.

So this is the answer i got from my uncle when i talk abt being with my friends and normal people might be doing things they like ? But he asked me do i even have enough time to find all my friends and family or even do something i like ? i answered No. Its simply impossible. who can accept that you are dying in 30 mins immediately. Even those people who got diagnosed with cancer or other kind of diseases cant accept it immediately. So which human can accept Death tt easily.

Thus, he hope that i wont regret decisions i made. Esp this one whereby im going to stop school once and for all to continue with my working career. I find it pretty pointless to study anymore since im not interested. Even after i finish with a Dip, what can i do ? admin work again ? i can do that easily without a Dip and just with Experience. Since i have thought of the consequences, i have to do it. So people, try not to regret what you chose to do~ =)

On the bus home yesterday, i thought about the past. I realise that the beginning is always so sweet yet so bitter in the end.

-Signed Off @ 3:03 PM