Sunday, August 07, 2005
Yes. i know you will be reading this and i read your multiply journal as well. Its not only you who treasured this friendship. I have been troubled by this matter for the past few nights too. I even had dream of us making up for no reason last night. I rather delete all the msges you send me because its just all sent in the spite of anger. But usually when people are angry, they tend to be very honest and just let everything come out in one go. We always know that there's 2 sides to a story. You had posted yours, so nows mine. Let me frank to everybody who's reading this. I treated you as my best friend and told you everything and i really mean everything. The person you tried to compare yourself with might not even know as much as you know. I said i treated the few of you who are my buddies equally and i meant it. Dont say i nv vent anger on XY. I did, just that we didnt say it out. Thats why everything ended so fast without you all knowing. I know you are pretty sensitive about friends so i keep you more well-informed than other and not to let you feel that you are left out from your friends. And i always listened to what you got to say rather than hearing 1/4 or 1/2 and just continue doing my things just like "A" did, didnt i ? So its VERY not true that i treat you as a shit friend. I treated you as a best friend and all you think is that i treat you as a shit friend ? Have you though about i felt when i saw that msg ? I never did compared myself with your the other 2 best friends so why did you have to compare yourself with her ? And as much as i have any unhappiness, i'll keep to myself in order not to let you be stuck in the middle. But have anybody ever put themselves in my shoes, i'm human and i do have feelings. How will you feel when everytime you want to meet your friend and maybe talk about your feelings and whatsoever, but you cant do it cause your friend's the other half is always there. I dont mind telling everybody i hate the feeling though i always say i dont mind cause they are my best buddies' bf.. YES. I hate it alot and i really dont like to be a light-bulb even if its my other buddies, get it ? Its not because im telling you all this because you are a shit friend or whatever to me. Think about it. How many times have i met you alone all these months ? I think 1 hand is enough to count. At least i still get to meet Jo & XY alone sometimes, do you get it? Im lamenting that i dont get to talk to you openly enough. Everything i tell you that is meant to be confidential just seems to be known to him. There dont seem to have any private time to talk anymore. Unlike the past. And just like i went out with XY and alvin, its because we really never meet up for really VERY long. Thats why im ok with it. And whenever i go out with iz they all, i did ask you and MY along. But from long ago, the 2 of you just dont want to tag along. And do you know why i keep going out with iz they all ? Cause none of them are attached and i dont feel left out. I know you dont leave me out when the 3 of us go out, but i dont wan you leaving either one of us out which is hard to do. Instead of letting you get trapped in between, wouldn't it be better if i leave the 2 of u to your world ? Furthermore, i haven been going out much ever since i started working and you should know it. And its not that you are hard to understand, you just have to think about things simply. I never wanted to be honest about hating to be a lightbulb but at that moment when i really got angry, my hands just typed everything that was all along in my mind. Even if its XY or Jo or whosoever who ask me whether i like to tag along when they go on dates, i'll tell them frankly i dont like but i may tag along just like you. There's no difference between them and you. I know kevin might be reading this or you might tell him yourself, i dont know. But im sure he's blaming me for igniting this cold war between us and you blaming him for us quarrelling. He's not at fault but where is the private sister talks we had last time gone to ? And its not that your friends get angry without asking you what happen, its because the same old thing happens all the time. Think, how many times have i been put aeroplane by you and MY ? How can i not be angry. But you should know me. I said dont wan to go den dont go. After a few days, i'll be alright again. I need cooling period. And i say let it be. because there's no point in arguing about this anymore. Its pointless isnt it. And see ? when i say let it be. .You interpreted it as i dont take this friendship seriously. i meant to let things go and forget about it ok. And yes, its utterly stupid to be quarreling over a stupid DnD hosted by the notorious Shangri-La which specialises in breaking up friendships and relationships. And so should i interpret your "coz from now onwards i wont care so much anymore.!!" as you are ending this friendship ? There's always a difference and people just like to start assuming when they dont know the actual meaning of a sentence. And yes, i do have my fault in this issue for being short-tempered.
So im Sorry.
I dont need extra comments on this from other people not related.
