Saturday, May 17, 2008
says it all.
no long weekend again though i'll be off on monday too. helloooo public holidays.
it's not like those banquet days when public holidays were just another working day,
now the only days i look forward each week would be weekends and public holidays,
and i am always counting down each week.
i can hardly believe i'll be home-bound on a saturday.
like no activities? or probably tired from the week of work.
spent the whole afternoon till 9 plus sleeping forever.
been having repeated dreams for weeks displayed in different scenarios,
yet all trying to get across the same meaning.
that it will hurts so much when one day you find the 2 people close to your heart betray you together,
they get together and you walk away knowing there's nothing more you can do anymore.
walk away and weep.
turn back and think.
tried to shake this bad feeling off but how am i gonna do so when it keeps coming back to remind me.
and i don't feel a sense of security/love coming from him nowadays,
not like the past when i know i could trust him without doubts,
he's been acting weird though he says he dont think so,
yet i feels it so though.
the way you see me in a different light,
how you no longer care,
how you no longer showers the same love you did once,
how you pretend to be scared of me when i touched you and showing me you're irritated,
how you used to put me in the 1st place but no longer the case anymore,
how you just change the topic when i start saying you've changed.
these are the things i experienced that you either did it on purpose or you don't think you're doing it.
am i being sensitive ?
you and everyone else knows i'm not,
i never was so sensitive and pick on small little things,
but the list is just getting longer and longer that i just don't know what else i can do anymore.
i just feel like i'm gonna break down anytime soon if i bottle it up anymore,
though i always don't seem to so on the outside face that everybody sees.
why is it when we quarrel, people always think i'm in the wrong and you're the victim?
why is it when i go out with my friends, people always think i am not accompanying you?
why the fcking hell does everybody blames me for practically everything that goes wrong for us,
just because i don't like to show that i am weak.
why do i need constant reminders to make time for you and talk to you,
when you don't bother telling me anything anymore?
tell me what to do then.
you can always change the topic or try to act funny when i talk to you about this,
you might not read this since i won't know whether you still reads my blog,
but if you do and choose to ignore,
then we shall see...
maybe i might hold on a little longer or maybe i won't...
i don't want to be blamed again for not taking this relationship seriously,
but i don't want to keep having the sense of betrayal creeping up on me every second.
P.S: No comments please
