Monday, June 16, 2008
today's a special day.
i had a good "talk" with chermaen (my credit mgr who pulled me up to accts),
and her words struck me hard.
real hard!
and i feel like a weight on my head & heart have been unloaded.
I feel so light & happy!
i am lucky to have a good supervisor who tolerates my nonsense without complaints,
eg. last minute informing sick/taking leave, approving my leave even though it's month end
& during the busy period.
i felt really guilty.
i am lucky to have helpful colleagues who always helps to clear my work when i'm not around.
i am lucky i have an understanding manager who though nags at me very often,
but she just wants to get things done fast and she knows how to appreciate staffs and make them feel wanted.
though there are office politics flying here & there,
overall, AR & Credit is still a family probably with just some naggings here & there sometimes.
anyways, back to my point.
i've decided that i should stop mourning over this breakup.
because the world still goes on & time won't stop just because of you.
even if you are gone, the world still moves on without you.
chermaen shared with me her past and told me things that i knew deep down in my heart,
but i wasn't listening hard to my own heart then.
she said "if it's meant to be yours, it will be yours one day.
If not, no point waiting for it, because if you beg him to come back, he still wont love you as before and maybe his heart soften for a while but eventually another breakup will come along & you've to go through the same old shit"
So why not give both of you some time to think whether he's the ONE.
the ladies nowadays of the 21st century are independent enough not to depend on guys anymore,
not like the past when women are just small & tiny hiding behind guys.
Now women can be as strong as a man, and we're EQUALS.
she also said "if a guy tells you that he sees no future in the both of you, it means probably the feelings for you have faded to the point that he can give up the relationship instead of giving you more time & see you change. If he really loved you, he won't have gave up, he would have talked things out with you no matter how tired he is from all those waiting. So it's either this or he found another better girl and you're just not as good in his eyes anymore"
I believe his feelings faded rather than he found another girl.
Though i think i'll never ever forget the words " I don't see a future in us anymore".
It still hurts but not as before.
Because from today onwards, you guys don't have to worry 'bout me anymore.
I AM BACK!
as strong and independent as before.
probably even stronger. No more depending on guys/ promises.
Now, i just want to concentrate on work, school, friends & family.
i want to turn back to the old michelle who used to work so hard and feels responsibility weighing heavily on her shoulder that she didn't even dare take MCs even when she's real sick.
and just because she wasn't in-charge anymore, she became slack.
but now I won't let my mgr or supervisor down anymore,
for MYSELF and no one else,
i will work HARD. study HARD. Real Hard.
No more MCs i hope.
weekends at banquet will just be plainly working for $$,
even though people tends to look at me in a different light as to why i went back to do P/T
when i am already working at accts. To some of them, it seems degrading. To me, it's nothing.
It's just another way of earning $$ and i am not ashamed in any way,
i started off with banquet so why should i feel shameful?
when i'm wearing a suit, they look up to me.
when i'm wearing the capt's uniform, they look down on me.
like wtf.
It's OK.
as for him, i'll just say time will pass and if we're meant to be, we will be together once more.
If not, i wish the next girl who comes along will treasure you more.
the previous post 'bout the time limit is not effective anymore,
there won't be any time limit anymore,
because you've already moved on for your own good,
and now's my turn to move on for myself.
no more guilt.
we will still be friends.
So friends, quit telling me to take the initiative to talk things out.
I tried & it's no use pushing things.
What is meant to be yours will be yours.
now i truly understands the meaning.
