about the girl.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

i felt so suffocated last night,
like i couldn't breathe anymore.

i think my body's breaking down anytime soon
by the way i'm stretching it to the limit.

will it be worth the wait?
what if she failed?
am i going to continue waiting?
what if you decided keep things this way?
am i going to continue trusting you?

look at it in a different light,
i've the freedom to wait or just leave,
there isn't any promise or commitment from both parties.

i used to envy people for their ability to love another person,
now i wish i can lose that same ability
and get rid of all emotions.

-Signed Off @ 2:32 PM

Thursday, August 28, 2008

this is a random post.
i'm just going to bore the hell out of everyone who's reading.
this isn't a place to vent out true feelings,
so i should probably create an annoymous blog where i know nobody i know will be reading it.

i had TCC's aglio olio, mushroom soup & oreo milkshake today for dinner!
i had a tiring mind-breaking night of class with stats.
and i am having a serious headache.

it's always a long and lonely journey home either from work or school,
lucky i have my trusty mp3 & psp there for me,
how else can i survive.
life.

i want to eat durian mooncake.

let's see what i can get at the IT show isaac's bringing me tmr.

i'm not getting an off day since monday till next friday,
sunday's 31st = closing = must work = can claim OIL = can use OIL for 26 Sep to work F1

i am very tired from working, studying & working P/T,
but i am super low on cash.

my classmate that botak kenneth who's the joker in the class nearly flicked his cig at me accidently just now,
and he took my coke and drank it.
#$%*#%(*$

i wish.
someday i'll wake up, forget everything and start a new life again.

i wish.
i can move to other countries to study or work with nobody who knows me,
that might just be a new different life.

-Signed Off @ 11:07 PM

okay.

finally met up with larling and daddy for lunch yesterday at far east,
i didn't totally disappear,
just been busy like i told you. =)
will meet up soon again alrights.

went to the S'pore Flyer today afer work with my colleagues,
and it's only because there's a promotion till 31 Aug for hoteliers to go free,
i won't go if i have to pay like 30 bucks just to stand there and watch the view for 30 mins,
and we kinda made full use of the 30 mins cam-whoring.
finally reach home at 11 plus,
and i'm so freaking tired.

since i wasn't ready to sleep,
i decided to upload all the photos i am supposed to upload ages ago to facebook.
ranging from the phuket trip to the recent birthday parties.
and damn!
i just finish tagging the people for gab's party and facebook just have to come up with an error,
so i'm too tired to re-tag.
photos are up on my facebook for grabs.

stats class tmr and it's already 2am.
i'm going to bed already.
good night.

-Signed Off @ 1:58 AM

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

life is always full of choices that you've to make,
you've to choose what to eat and where to go each day,
and when it comes to matters of the heart,
there are choices and sacrifices to be made,
yet there's never a perfectly right choice.

in my nearly 22 yrs of life,
i've made many choices,
small to big in a way affecting my life and
some produced great results and some turned out to be wrong,
sacrifices were made and life still went on.
regrets definitely haunts each and every one of you,
and i was never spared either.

i've learnt that regrets are always tad too late,
and when one has lived with too much regrets in their life,
they tend to be think a lot 'bout what they really want
and go for it with whatever they have.

this time round,
i tried with whatever i had and done things i never thought i would ever do,
regardless how people will think of me being foolish or whatsoever,
i still tried,
at least i know when i look back "now" in the future,
i've no regrets,
i might even laugh at myself for being silly.
but right now,
i just want to make sure i don't regret in the future for not trying hard enough.

yes.
i might have gotten my heart broken again,
when you would rather choose option A,
perhaps i was right not to pin high hopes that you would choose option B.
nobody can ever have the best of both worlds,
love is selfish and there's only room for one,
you chose responsibility over love,
you made your choice,
yet i couldn't bear the pain.
sometimes i just forgot to breathe while thinking,
and try to catch my breath afterwards

you might say i was not putting myself in your shoes,
but i've been there done that,
might not have been totally the same but if given the same scenario,
i will choose option C- make a clean break and be open 'bout who you really want to be with.

so have you put yourself in my shoes and think,
how am i feeling right now?
to wait for an answer so hard to come by,
to refrain from tearing after hearing the choice you made,
to act like nothing has happened,
to turn from "the only one" to somewhat like a third party,
to try and stop touching the finger where the ring used to be,
to try and stop touching the spot on the neck where the necklace used to be,
to try hard to stop tearing while packing all the photos and gifts into a box,
to keep telling myself that you still love me,
to keep putting up a strong front,
to keep putting myself in your shoes,
to even able to forgive all these things,

turn the tables around, switch our roles around
and ask yourself,
are you able to do the same and continue waiting ?

right now,
i only know one thing.
if i really love someone,
nobody else matters as much.
i won't care much 'bout the sacrifices that have to be made
because i know it's worth it.
but we might not be on the same frequency,
what i think might not be what you believe in,
i still stay firm.
silly i know.

No more indulging in liquor to numb the heart, (i've to bear the after effects myself)
No more crying my heart out, (someone who loves me won't make me keep crying)
No more of speaking up from now on, (it never works from my experiences)
because time never waits,
and i can't bring myself to be depressed and just heck my job and studies,
i'm just not her and i don't need to be like her.
since i'm not the only one anymore,
then let it be.

i've done my part and said my piece.
agree or disagree,
it's 'bout choices again.

quoted from the day i designed the banner above,
"this simple thing called love",
ain't simple anymore.
or is it just that i don't deserve to have this simple love anymore.

P.S. Why did you have to sink my heart deeper and deeper into emptiness?
i might wait yet might not.
distance will be kept

the losing end of the gamble

-Signed Off @ 10:09 PM

Saturday, August 23, 2008

as the day approaches,
so does my fear.

my world's in a mess and the colour's grey,
will you be the one to set it right again?
or will you leave me to learn to deal with it once again?

a gamble,
50-50

-Signed Off @ 6:06 PM

Friday, August 22, 2008

a gamble of life.

if only i am still a baby,
and know nothing about this very profound thing called " L O V E",
no longer a simple thing.

-Signed Off @ 12:41 AM

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

i'm scared yet tired.
will you be able to calm me down?

will history repeats itself?

happiness or will the heart get b r o k e n again.

-Signed Off @ 8:04 PM

Sunday, August 17, 2008

i think to myself every night

i wish i never had to wake up anymore

-Signed Off @ 2:19 PM

Thursday, August 14, 2008

徘了徊了走了错了过了等了
累了全都困了烦的乱的等的
都是真的

疯的想的念的不安的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢

你做过的伤放困了你爱的音
那天的我等着你等成了摆设

我的你的他的好的坏的难的
灰的蓝的黄的酸的甜的苦的
都还记得

非常想要忘的绝对不能忘的
我心要换你的真的不行那么
只得放了

环岛的火车载着我第几天了
忽然发现这一刻我不想你了

我的快乐会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐会回来的
离开不是谁给了谁的选择

我的快乐会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐会回来的
离开不是谁给了谁的选择

我的快乐会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得

我的快乐会回来的
离开不是你给了我的选择

疯的想的念的不安的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢

非常想要忘的绝对不能忘的
我心要换你的
真的不行那么
只得放了

放了......

忘了......

---the song running through the mind and triggering the part of the brain controlling the tear gland

i just needed 1 night to relive all the memories,
to tell myself for a good ending, its worth it,
not neccessarily a happy one but at least parted with a smile.
in the process, hurting myself when i see reality setting in,
through the smses, calls, the people and the surrounding of a place once so familiar.
i lost my place, i realised.
i had to force myself
to face the truth that the girl from the past has always been there and the girl from present is here now,
and tell myself not to be foolish anymore.

it wasn't easy,
letting go never was.
i'll try to stay firm and break contact,
so leave while i can still take it.

thank you.
for one last good memory.
i just needed to feel your love one last time.

i used all my last strength to smile and walk away without looking back one last time,
i don't think i can do it again.

-Signed Off @ 6:48 PM

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

the more you hide,
the more it will reveal itself.

the more you lie,
the worse you feel.

i've helped you made a decision,
so fret no more.

why has it became so complicated?
just want to relive the memories one last time.

-Signed Off @ 8:31 PM

Saturday, August 02, 2008

define the best way to spend a saturday.

woke up by the noise of strangers in your hse fixing your aircon,
mum cook you maggie mee,
slack at your couch with sex & the city playing on your laptop,
enjoy ice cream while blogging,
and head out to meet friends later at night.

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY CHEL CHEL~
=D

-Signed Off @ 5:50 PM

i realise in every relationship, friendship or any kind of interpersonal relationships,
there's always a taker and a giver.
you have to know which one you are before you start making changes or stick with it,
so friends,
i think i'm a taker most of the time
which one are you ?

the best way to get over and move on,
never look back,
have great friends,
stop talking 'bout your ex,
no matter how nice or shitty he had been,
and after a while,
you've moved on.

like i always thought,
there's nothing wrong being single and it might just be better than before,
thank you for making my point even stronger.

-Signed Off @ 5:43 PM