about the girl.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

many things have changed,
time do change people,
i can't agree more.

but do i really like the "me" i'm changing to now?
i wonder.

i don't have a life now,
just working my ass off every single day.
i haven't watch a single movie in weeks,
and all the shows i wanna watch are all coming off the screen.

speak up how i really feel?
i am feeling so TIRED and DRAINED from all this waiting,
and the endless tears whenever something just have to happen at the wrong time.

i see the photos on her friendster, i'm unhappy.
i see her taking over everything i used to have, i'm unhappy.
i see her coming down even when she's not working, i'm unhappy.
i see her things, i'm unhappy.
when i have to work with her and yet have to be impartial, i'm unhappy.
when i have to cry alone under a block, i'm unhappy.
when i'm sick and you're not there to spare a word of comfort, i'm unhappy.
when i know you brought her to the wedding, i'm unhappy.
when i can't feel the same concern & love i used to felt, i'm unhappy.
there's so many things i'm unhappy about and this is the only place i get to shout,
yet whatever written here gets out fast enough to the point i feel i don't have any privacy left.
and i hate the fact that i've to pretend to be magnamious and act like nothing happens whenever i hear her name,
when i'm actually feeling like shit.
fark.

fine, i'm a bitch and a vixen for throwing myself at him lar.
i can't be bothered by what people will think anymore,
i'm fed up plus sick and tired.

i really really need to find myself back before it's too late.

-Signed Off @ 11:58 PM

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

you're still not getting it

Never mind.
tmr will be a fresh new day again.

i hate this place

-Signed Off @ 11:31 PM

Sunday, September 07, 2008

mummy

i miss you

just like when any girls got hurt, they just want the comfort of a mum.
yet, i can't tell you much,
cause i can't have you worried.

and all i'm left,
is me alone again,
with so many things i can only keep to myself.

-Signed Off @ 7:13 PM

i am damn sure that i did not say i was going out with a friend,
you did not ask me and you said you read my blog,
which i clearly stated who i am going with,
so why should i have bothered lying to you bout who i am going with when you already knew?

or is it just that you are still finding faults with me so that you don't feel as bad about your decision now,
so that you don't have to feel as bad that you are not with me now.

i hate you for doing this to me,
i hate you 'cause i can no longer feel the concern,
i hate you for not being there when i needed someone when my legs were really aching & my stomach was in so much pain,
i hate you for making me wait and thinking it's ok as long as you're not hurting her that much when you're hurting me so much over here,
i hate to keep thinking about everything and forever not getting an answer, leaving me only to silence,

i hate you for everything.

and i'm in so much pain,
physically & emotionally.

-Signed Off @ 4:56 PM

Thursday, September 04, 2008

i think i didn't sleep well last night, explains the neck aches

joshua's leaving for dubai at the end of the month, so the farewell party last night at aloha changi

i have an irritating classmate botak kenneth who just cant stop disturbing me,
and yet we were allocated together as a group today,
and he can't stop blowing his kisses at me.
idiot. duh.

and yes, i'm not forgetting my promise to attend your bday on saturday dre.
i'll be there.

i think sunday's gonna be library day,
to start on my OB assignment.
got no idea how to start.
i'm meeting han yew tmr for a drink like finally after a few weeks of calls & smses,
because i kept missing his calls & forgetting to reply his calls or smses,
and he's leaving for brunei this sunday.
so nice of him to still want to meet up even when i'm gonna finish work so late tmr.

---------------------

the feeling i had for last night was so indescribable,
i think it's best to forget 'bout it.

it's time to venture out instead of getting trapped here all alone,
got to move out of that small world i'm trapping myself for weeks,
and start slotting back my friends into the super tight schedule i have. =)

-Signed Off @ 11:21 PM

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

i need a short getaway

i want to sleep a whole day

i just want to get away

-Signed Off @ 8:03 PM

Monday, September 01, 2008

i had a lousy day.

monday blues drowning me.

especially since i was working till 12 plus midnight,

and supper at sunshine place,

then finally manage to sleep at 2am

and woke up at 620am to go to work.

closing today seems so not closing,

everybody's not in the mood.

i just whacked coke at the loading bay whenever i go for breaks to wake myself up,

and finished work at 630pm.

went to bqt and waited for ms kuku to finish work,

then we took a quite empty bus to Lot 1,

had dinner at the food court,

and DAMN!

i am NEVER going back to that stupid korean stall that sold me TASTELESS kimchi soup for

FREAKING 6.50 bucks.

and i had to go to the pepper lunch stall to buy myself another dinner.

MA DE!

anyways, after dinner,

we sat down a while,

talked then went seperate ways home.

i sat below my block for probably 1/2 hr like i always do nowadays,

just relaxing and playing my psp,

and finally reach home at 11pm.

i think i'm going to bed now.

i'm gonna skip school tmr AGAIN,

and take my FTL after work tmr.

i'm gonna continue keeping myself busy with whatever i can,

and hopefully by then,

everything will run smoothly just like 2 1/2 yrs ago,

when i could survive with just myself and not rely on another person.

Oh yah!

did i forgot to mention 'bout the IT show i went last friday,

damn it was PACKED to the brim,

had such a hard time walking around esp when i'm carrying my dear charlene,

who has became SO SO SO heavy nowadays,

gosh i had muscle ache the next day,

but she's finally remembering who her god-mum is.

love her sooooo much.

and that SONY salesgirl NEARLY tempted me to buy T300,
my dream camera for now,
NEARLY.
financially down so bear with it for now.

i demand for the old "ME"

-Signed Off @ 11:27 PM

i feel stupid,
staring at the laptop for 5 whole minutes not knowing what to type.

just feel so damn tired physically, mentally and emotionally.

why do i just forget to breathe and my heart stop pumping
whenever i start visualising some negative things i wish i could throw out of my mind.
damn i hate that feeling.

i dont feel any sense of security anymore,
i dont like the idea of sharing.
fine. then i'm a bitch.

i totally agree with isaac,
not seeing that someone who broke your heart will make you forget him/her faster,
talking from his experience,
i agree since it worked on me once,
so why not now?
maybe i should start thinking where i should move on to,
save all troubles.

i am appearing offline every single day.

-Signed Off @ 11:13 PM